i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
