just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
