I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
