I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
