Dual....:-)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
