I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
