My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
