I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
