I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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