I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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