she woke up with a sticky ear
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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