I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
