I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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