we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
