you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
