What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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