I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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