I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
