Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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