guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
