I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
