He told me they were just razor bumps!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
