He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
