i think i have two assholes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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