she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
