That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
