Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
