I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
