Me too!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
