Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
