do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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