there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
