it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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