Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
