he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
