some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
