He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
only you would photoshop your dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
