Quick, to the slutcave!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
