The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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