Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
