if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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