Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
