She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
