I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
