this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
