then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kissed a someone with a penis
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
