I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
