dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
