Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
