Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
