btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
