Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
