Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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